I wish to spill the beans - I wish to write about all that I know, all that happens, because its the only way you will know how I feel or how I want to feel.
The inspiration now is the love that I know. It terrible sometimes, but inspiring. But its also new and weird. Before, I was on my own, still am, but feels different. Capabilities, skills and efficiency are so worthless without direction. I have mine now, again. I am not supposed to be sure, and I am not - believe me, but I have something, it'll work, I know.
The description of my desires, aspirations, fears, flaws, strengths, wishes, disappointments, passion and love would be, however, incomplete if you are not whom I want you to be.
Its dawn time - it is seductive, this morning sky, it makes you believe in life being bigger than the sky. In real life, however, you know, its all dots, maybe, no actually, definitely, somewhere up there it all makes sense, life is beautiful and funny, when you move higher, see the bigger picture, its not just dots, its people, and situations, and love, and laughter.
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I absolutely adore the new recruits of the batch of August 2008. Everytime, they make things better, they make having done this worthwhile, having decided to spend another year here and see this LC evolve. I have met and admired and loathed and been indifferent to and secretly idolized many people in this organization, some of whom I still do. But this group is special, they are on the onset of an experience of a lifetime and they remind me of myself - three years ago.
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Driving around Chandigarh at night is CLARITY. Mark my words.
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Food and fancy are not equated in my world. Paneer, Pasta & Pizza pretty much sum it all up here.
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I love my job (read 'what I do'), and then sometimes I dislike somethings about my job, even then I love it. It will end, but knowing that I loved it won't. I failed, then I didn't, and finally it didn't count for anyone but me.
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I hide pain well.
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This year, was the year I learnt I am nothing - nothing more than my set of perceptions about who I am. And I am still capable beyond measure, in a modest-just-like-you way :-)
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Its aching with passion, pain and pride.
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I know funny stuff. I carry around a sense of humour - essential tool when you get thrown into this 'framework' with what I got. But if you must know:
a) Saying 'be there or be there!' doesn't always make people 'be there'.
b) Dinosaurs don't exist anymore, atleast not when you really need them to come and gulp you up in those awkward why-am--i-here situations.
c) Sulking doesn't make other people realize they have been stupid, and in the end you're the only one being stupid
d) Laziness is a disease, so is ADD (attention deficiency disorder), both can be caused by TV
e) Not everything is funny
f) This will be another post...
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Would you believe me if I said I have it all figured out? Its ridiculous because its not in the now, its ahead, maybe a few more years! But there! Living the illusion, with confidence, is reality waiting to happen(?)
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And then I am reminded on the 2 am drive:
Tu dhoop hain jham se bikhar Tu hai nadee o bekhabar Beh chal kahin ud chal kahin Dil khush jahan teri toh manzil hai wahin
