Days and forward

Look beyond the walls that I build in my mind
And find that which will make so much sense
That everything else will begin to diminish
And then, i will step up, and walk towards the same.

I am no good at relating things, and random as such seems to have become something I live by and it makes organizing thoughts a little difficult.
Charity begins at home, so does everything else. I am stressed, I am happy, I am screwd, I dont feel like, I cant take it anymore, I love doing this, ...I could go on, you get the point right!
SO, everything I say and I do, is majorly because of the way I am feeling.
On a get-away to a very random place, stumbled upon a speaker, a voice...and probably the last place I would have thought of hearing something like that - When you read a book, what have you done? You have come to know yourself better!

Days when I wake and smile at the sun through the window.
Days when I shout at mom out of bed for asking me for breakfast.
Days when I move around like a zombie - doing and saying nothing, not knowing why.

Theres then 'me' who knows, and the 'me' who doesnt want to.
Where is my 'third kind'?

And just when I thought I found it...I wondered it might just not be it. And i keep coming back to it. Dont know if that makes it right. But I am here, and I will go on.

To make it or something else to DIE for, I step up.
I claim to believe in myself to be able to bounce back time and again.
I am taking a deep breath and taking the plunge into positivity.
I need consistency, I need to focus, I need to display that 'spirit' and live it inside-out & I need to smile - I am writing it, I am doing it.
I am foreseeing a GREAT day!

Valentinez...

Rose Count: The red I got and the yellows I gave.
Things I would have preffered not to hear: Four
An attempt to make something out of nothing worked to perfection via marketing, moony-eyed 2's, 'single-ready-to-mingle' types & me. Hence my school psychology teacher proved wrong to a large extent - "Nothing comes out of nothing". Indeed, madam.
A chocolate to kick off the 'i-m-only-eating-fruits' summer
A margarita, a beer and a vodka to betray yet another 'I quit'
A morning in red, to the spirit of the day.
An afternoon of 'Indian' 'Luxury' to get broke.
An evening spent among people whom i dont relate to, to make them feel just the opposite; challenging my patience, worked through vague words and mostly silence.
A night of little thought and a Titanic re-watch to keep it simple.
A day of numerous 'its my birthday' wake up calls, unfulfilled promises, funny parental suggestions and interrogations, a few 'not again' moments, golden silence, sleeping over plans (again) & hope!