Listed Chaos

There are things happening, and I need to figure out soon why!
- I fail to commit to two hours of gym everyday after paying so much of money (which even had me in debt), I know its almost a Global phenomenon, heh, but no!
- I am simply walking away from situations that don't feel right, and make me uncomfortable and confused like somebody is squeezing my mind. Just walking walking walking away... not caring who or what or how it maybe.
- Instead of sticking by Art of Living knowledge, I feel like I given up parts of it which I was living even before the course. Am I living out the other extreme before giving up everything? :)
- Very less filtration happening between thoughts and words coming out of my mouth
- I prefer being funny over being smart (or being funny & smart over being polite & mature)
- Though, I am being much more innovative and productive at certain fronts than I have been for long, it is the flip side of my individuality? Why does being rational and being spiritual sound like two opposites right now?
- I am almost a full time LCP but mentally I am always wanting to do more than that, because though its a 24/7 job, but it doesn't take my 24 hours per say!
- I still sleep peacefully, praise the Lord.
- Things I know I will enjoy but I don't do: Gardening, cooking, writing, walking, cycling, learning a new language, etc etc., Okay, much beyond that, I simply need the farm house and start the school for the children in the villages around, thats destination for the 35th Birthday, but why not now, what am I waiting for, I am going to be 22, I may have 13 years or not even 13 breaths, I am confused.
- Now, I don't even know why I am saying all this.
Okay, done.