Hope & a little laugh

I am an optimist but when a child begs me for money, I am sad. Its easy to let go of that, its India, learn to say no, its life long? Or you can really think about changing the world. By making it grow? Create more consumers, to earn profit and then perhaps do CSR, wonderful. Or you can actually do something. But who am I? I just want to find a 'soul-mate', eat, sleep, drink, get rich or atleast die trying. Such is life.

Sometimes you find people you can have a good laugh with, people who understand you, you call them friends (i.e. people culture-ed similarly/super-natural connect?) Anyhow, point being that laughter is good, its full of hope, they give you hope, they tell you white as white and black as, well, mostly black but sometimes white, and you live through the grey areas together, asking questions and dealing with each others 'confusions' (they come in various forms: parents, career, love, etc etc)

Then, there are roles to play in life, oh that is a good one. Of a son, of a colleague, of a student, of a guy, of a leader (co-incidence ignited by AIESEC). They are challenging and exciting and full of learning and expectations and disappointments and I can go on. But at the end of the day, they are roles. They drive you through the day, they also drive you through a certain time of your life, but when you alone at night just before you go to sleep, you ask if this is what you really want to be doing or you feel immensely happy that you are doing what you are doing - depending on how the day has been. But what about all the days put together, all the good ones and the bad ones, and the okay ones, what about life?

I love passion, I don't know if I know what it means, but I have it, I love the individuality it brings, the courage, the excitement, the drive, the utility of time, the insensitivity to what you are non-passionate about! But also it makes you do too much, and in that doing, it can take you off-track, of what really mattered, even, it can change what matters, which I am not too sure of.

Over-all, however, I am hopeful, hope being a strategy, not a plan though. So be it. I am without a plan, and happy as I ever can be (discounting one particular matter which shall change and stop bringing this sinking feeling and only be a source of joy, hope remember?)

Where have I been/Where am I?

The flip sides converge to create the platform I am creating, and the one I am destroying and the one I am using.

Songs are talking

Very often, you find meaning you have been looking for or words you need in songs.

Right out of the gym on the radio in your car:
Tum hamare nahin toh kya gham hai, Hum tumhare toh hai yeh kya kam hai

On your playlist:
I really want you to really want me, but I really don't know, if you can do that.
I know you want to know what's right but I know it's so hard for you to do that.
Time's running out as often it does and often dictates that you can't do that.
Fate can't break this feeling inside, that's burning up through my veins.
I really want you, I really want you, I really want you now.
No matter what I say or do, the message isn't getting through,
and you're listening to the sound of my breaking heart.

Its on the radio and a friend calls to say - maybe this is the answer:
Har kisi ko, nahin milta, yahan pyar zindagi mein...

And there is hope, in a new movie you see:
Kahin toh hogi woh duniya jahan tu mere saath hai...

And hence it goes, life.

I am? You are!

Yes, I have known for a while, but its easy to lose sight of it, but thank you, really. I am indeed immensely happy that I am. For as long as I can remember, back in school - I know I am, but sometimes people made me feel they knew better, in college - I really didn't think it was so, because it wasn't what I really really wanted but then I realized I am, so I changed things, and they did too, something like AIESEC happened which has brought a range of experiences hard to even put down but when it made me feel excited, crazy, sad, challenged, proud, passionate, capable, wild, inhibited, etc I always thought its happening to me, through AIESEC, through the people I met here, and the conferences I traveled to, and the meetings I did, and the appointments I went for, and the humongous amount of emails that I wrote, and the trainee parties I attended (and how!),etc. But now I know its because I am. I am the dedication, I am the skill, I am the seeker, I am the leader, I am the innovator, I am the mistake, I am the learning. I am everything I want to be and need to be.