It would be wrong to say that I have parted ways with reason, because I doubt we were ever together - reason & I. By reason I refer to rationality of my decisions & actions & emotions. That doesn't however mean that I did not have reason(s) to do what I did all throughout life till now, I did - I am just not very sure if they were/are as valid as they should be.

But then, in retrospect & thought, everybody could question this for their life. Also the good side of having made great decisions & choices - reason or no reason - certainly no regret!

Ultimately, what I want to talk about is today. A fay from the 'what am I doing' phase. Or more appropriately put the 'transit phase' or just one of those 'everything matter but nothing matters' or 'nothing new but routine - too monotonous' kind of a phase. I know all this may not actually explain a lot!

Twenty-two

Its either pain or the pleasure of being strong enough to bear it that keeps me going. I realized yesterday that it could fall apart any time in a second, or it could take years, gradually deteriorating my sense of who I want to be, of who I could be.

But I am here, and I wake up everyday, and I do my best. And I will continue to do so because its all leading the one thing - back and forth - to the now - to the way life needs to be lived!

my head feels heavy and weird like all emotions are liquid and they are trying to find a way out but are as of now contained in my head

a want

I want to be able to sit across someone & be saying this than writing it down, because then perhaps I wouldn't even have to use words for pain, love, confusion, passion & sadness & hope - as these are emotions easily displayed across a room. But I don't have that option right now and I want it.